Minister for Antisocial Behavior

Apparently, there are so many young punks (yobs, as the Brits call them) in the UK that Tony Blair has appointed a new Minister for Antisocial Behavior. But that Orwellian piece of information is just an aside.

The hook for this story seems to be a mall that has introduced a code of conduct for patrons that includes no hats or hoodies, no swearing and no groups of 5 or more with no intention to shop. Naturally this has induced hysteria in certain quarters.

I, for one, entirely support the mall. There used to be a mall about a mile from my house. Well, the big, empty building is still there. It was a nice mall too, until the herds of kids (seriously, 20 or more) started wandering aimlessly from one end to the other. This was before hoodies. Back then, the kids were wearing hats with the price-tags still hanging on them, to imply they had been stolen. Gee, why would law-abiding citizens find being surrounded by a crowd of self-proclaimed criminals intimidating? I can't imagine, but they did. And they stopped shopping there. And now I have to drive 25 minutes to a mall, and all those kids who thought their rights were being infringed upon by those awful security guards have no place to work or shop.

The story boasts a few unintentionally hilarious quotes:

Despite the Labour Party’s enthusiastic support for Bluewater’s ban on hoods, the opposition Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, along with child-welfare experts have spoken out against the mall’s clothing rule...

One group went as far as to urge youths to boycott Bluewater.

Yeah criminals, stay away from the mall that wants you to go away. That'll fix 'em. Then, of course, there's the Conservatives all up in arms that property owners would be proactive in protecting their investment. Conservatives, indeed.

And:

“It’s stupid; what you wear doesn’t say who you are,” said 28-year-old Dan Beckenham. “A well-dressed business man could be a mugger too,” the sales manager said.

Yeah Dan, that happens all the time.

And "what you wear doesn’t say who you are" is a myth of youth. Of course it does. These kids are making an intentional choice to dress like criminals (the hoodies suggest they are hiding their identities from the ubiquitous British security camera), and then they're surprised when people treat them like criminals. Shocka.

If a privately owned mall wants to keep these yahoos out, that is their right. If a restaurant can required a tie, a mall can require a modicum of civilized behavior. If there is a groundswell of support for the yahoos (about the time there is a snowball fight in hell), the mall will lose money and let them back in.

However, the Minister for Antisocial Behavior is just too creepy. Coupled with all the security camera, if kind of makes me want to put on a hoodie myself.